dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
