dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
