Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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