Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize