Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
