If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
