proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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