Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
