I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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