new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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