I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
