Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
