there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
