Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
