he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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