I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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