morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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