i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
