ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
