the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
