she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
this hospital has no fireball
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
