This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
