If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize