Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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