His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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