tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
