yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
