He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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