im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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