Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Jerry, you need to find god
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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