He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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