Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
