I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
