This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
