I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
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I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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