Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
