Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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