i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
