Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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