he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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