my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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