so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
