I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
