Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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