right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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