You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
