just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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