i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
