no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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