You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
