You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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