if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
