And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
