guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
