My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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