I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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