Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
