Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
