I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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