there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
