i will never coherently bang her
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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