I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
