woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
