I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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