That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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