I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
