Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
