Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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