tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
