I think my vagina is haunted
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
