I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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