whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm having to shit out rocks
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
