So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
