WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
