i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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