That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
